You don’t know struggle cause you’ve never had to struggle. That’s probably why we can’t get along. 

Honestly, I feel as if this is the worst week I’ve ever faced in 2012. I graduated this week and I wasn’t even excited about it. My birthday is tomorrow and I’m not even excited about that. My good friend didn’t even want to highlight the week with me. Instead she highlighted it with others. I didn’t enjoy my week with anyone but myself, my xbox, my music, my fridge, and sisters. Sometimes my mother. I lied. I didn’t enjoy anything. That makes me feel like shit. Makes me feel like they are more important than me. You know that phrase “I hate it when I’m second to those I put first”? Yea. That’s basically how it is between me and her. That’s how I felt. I’ve gone off a couple times about how she makes me feel, but it hasn’t changed anything. I believe this offset mood I’ve been having all week is because of her. I wrote in her yearbook, “Don’t ever let me go cause I’ll never let  you go”. I feel as if she did just that. Let me go. And I can’t do that. I can’t let her go. I’ve spent all week sitting at home by myself. Yea, I went out, but it was where I didn’t want to be(except for Kalyn’s house). I saw her there. I walked to Trenisha’s house and had a wonderful conversation with her. But I haven’t spoken to her in weeks. Over a simple incident that shouldn’t have caused such a thing between us. When she says “I don’t like her” and when I hear “She doesn’t like you”, I don’t take it as a joke. Words are meaningful, but actions verify words. Your actions verify your words. I’m sure everyone has enjoyed their week so far. I have not. This week is terrible. The party next week…I don’t care about it. I just won’t show up. It wouldn’t change how she feels about me. I know I let you down a lot, but you need to understand I don’t make the rules in this house. I don’t have the final say. I do the best I can when and how I can. Remember when you said I never gave you anything for your birthday? I guess the $15 I gave you for your 17th birthday didn’t mean and wasn’t anything. You don’t like me because I’m everything that you wish I wasn’t. I annoy you because I do things you don’t like. I don’t know why you like me though. Ever since you stopped talking to me I honestly feel like I have no friends. I have nobody to talk to. I’m lonely again. I sacrifice a lot just to hang with you. I go through so much trouble just to go out with you. I hate admitting my feelings. So right now, I’m strongly disliking you. Why? Cause your causing me to admit my feelings. I do so much behind the curtains just to make sure your impressed so you don’t have any negative feelings towards me, but you look at it to be nothing. I may not be able to pay you back in cash for riding me around, but I pay you back when you need aid, someone to talk to, all that. Your dad fills your car up for you anyways. Just tell me you want a meal instead of saying you want gas money. Anyways, I don’t care anymore. It is what it is. If you have lightened up, I’ll know. If not, then…just be there.